I Don’t Want to Walk Around Wounded

Scars are areas of fibrous tissue that replace normal skin after injury...result from...wound repair...a natural part of the healing process.

I don’t want to walk around wounded. I have a purpose to fulfill and doing so will get rather challenging if I’m bleeding out or stopping to replace my bandage all of the time.

Now, scars I’m okay to have. Even Jesus had scars. And I’m fine if mine show. They are evidence of healing and a Grace that sustains. Scars remind me what/that I’ve endured.

But, I don’t want to walk around wounded.

The difference between wounds and scars is time and attention, tending and mending. If a wound has developed into a scar, some growth has taken place.

Let’s talk about growth… Growth doesn’t always mean you’ll stop fighting your recurring battle. It often just means you’ll fight through stronger and more effectively than you did before. I’m aware I’ll face what I usually do again…and again. Certain temptations were designed uniquely to match my weaknesses. Yesterday, perhaps, I cried. Today I may be genuinely smiling. Tomorrow, I might cry for some of the same reasons as before. But then, I’ll wipe my face and forge on, knowing I’ll eventually celebrate the momentum that falling down gave me to get back up… Knowing that eventually the sun will peek from behind the clouds, and everything’s purpose will be clear, and I’ll be better off, and all that good stuff… Knowing that setbacks are necessary for the process, but they don’t necessarily equate defeat.

Thus, I’ll choose to never claim defeat. I’ll fight, and I’ll get hurt. Certain doubts will knock me down, but the Truth will reveal itself and Love’s laces will stitch me up. I won’t have to walk around wounded.

At times, you and I will feel a little (slash a lot) less than fabulous. But if we don’t allow ourselves to feel, we won’t know we’re broken. And if we don’t recognize our brokenness, we won’t seek healing. Therefore, let’s feel so we can acknowledge & address the less-than-fabulous… That way, we won’t have to walk around wounded.

Here are lyrics to a new song that allowed me to feel a couple weeks ago. It gave me a healthy space to contemplate my doubts, and express my frustrations when familiar winds whisked me downward, knocking my thoughts to and fro. This song was my plea for some mending:

My Plea

Always go through the same

Living my yesterday

Wiping these tears

Just to feel them fall again

Knowing just what I need

Still somehow out of reach

Stretch me, don’t leave me there.

Please, reach out to me

but don’t say anything

that I can’t bear to hear.

What gives me joy

leaves me depleted, too

How does that make any sense?

And what fills me up

Opens my wounds

There’s wear and there’s tear

But it’s fresh and new.

Please, bandage my heart

And I’ll wear the scars

That you’d have me to.

Please, if this isn’t the end

Just make it make sense again.

Please, reach out to me

but don’t say anything

that I can’t bear to hear.

Please, if You can

I know You can

I believe that You can

make it alright again.

© Maya E. Hairston, 2017

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